apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
