I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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