Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
