Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize