My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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