Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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