You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
