ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
