The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize