there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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