hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Someone shattered a urinal.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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