sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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