shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
