I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
