So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
