i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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