Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
