I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
