Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
