Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
