What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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