I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
