Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
