We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
