he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
