Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
