Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
