just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
