wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
