I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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