i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
