matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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