i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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