I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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