The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
