So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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