guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
