I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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