Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
