What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
