there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
