It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
