my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
