There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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