Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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