Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
