The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
