can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
