u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I understand Curling. That high.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
