Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
