Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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