I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize