this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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