When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
