my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
ttyl tear gas
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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