so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize