The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
