apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
