What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize