There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
