U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You ruined the universe
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
