Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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