Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
