remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
