I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize