he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
