he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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