You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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