Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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