I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
