Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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