dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
