This is not my ceiling
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
