he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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