I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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