The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
