I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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