I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
