if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
