Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
