Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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