Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
