My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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