Having a random hookup so left but love u
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
