I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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