Your face is a jimmy john
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
