Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
