I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
