We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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