people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
