Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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