Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
