soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
