It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
