my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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