I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
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