Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
