Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
