Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
