So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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