Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I seem to have left my pride at pride
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Randomize
