My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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