i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
