the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
