why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
