my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
3 2 1 whiskey
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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