I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
