You just made me feel so damn special
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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