cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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