so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My vagina just clenched in fear
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
