The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Drake has all the answers
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
