Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
