do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
last night I used snow as a chaser
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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