Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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