he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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