i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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