Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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