we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
